Blogging as steam valve

When did it become rude, wrong or socially unacceptable to speak up for yourself? I'm not talking about being selfish, I'm talking about being a responsible adult. An adult is responsible for what they do, for seeing to it that their needs are met, and for setting and defending boundaries.

I have made it clear, again and again (because we live in a time of everyone having a camera constantly, since no one can so much as go to the bathroom without their multi-use cell phone), that I do not want my photograph shared without my permission. I do not want it posted to the internet. Facebook is part of the internet. Whether one's preferences are set for friends only or open to the public, my image is my image. If I don't want it out there, for anyone to do with as they might please, that's a legitimate boundary that I am entitled to set. Anyone who professes to be my friend should respect it, whether they agree or disagree with what I want.

I don't care if the photographer thinks I look great and that I'm being too picky. I don't care if the photographer thinks it's absurd to believe that some ditz on their friend list, whose emotional growth was stunted at age 17 and who would enjoy copying the unflattering shot to be used later in a fit of drama, might actually copy it. I don't care if my worry in that regard seems frivolous and they think I have too much time on my hands. Frivolous is a value judgment and yes, I do have too much time on my hands -- give me a job and I won't. But I still won't want my picture shared without my permission or posted to the internet. It's my choice, like it or not.

Yet, my stating this is seen as rude or annoying or paranoid, and my wishes are ignored. Hey, if the photo makes the poster look good, or someone else in the shot looks good and the urge to share is great, too bad for me. I'm just being a pain. No need to take my stated boundaries into account. Life is short and taking someone's wishes into consideration is just so darn, well, considerate.

I can say nothing, as I've done in a particular case where risking upsetting the oblivious poster is just too big a risk (due to fragile health on their part). That rankles. That makes me so uncomfortable that I have to distance myself from the person in order to deal with the stress of living a lie (not standing up for oneself is lying by omission).

I can say something. I can nicely point out that I've already made myself clear and ask to have my wishes granted. And then I can watch what I judge to be an over-reaction to that request and see the emotionally stunted ditz "like" the reaction. It makes me want to withdraw from social media entirely. But that's an over-reaction in itself.

On a related note, when you do something that a friend or family member thinks is "wrong," and they lambast you for it, it is your choice to sit quietly and take it. If you want to let them call you names, judge you, attempt to make you feel guilty for not living life the way they think you should, that's a choice you can make as an adult, and live with. But if, in the process of verbally abusing you as if you were still the child they used to abuse like this instead of a grown person, these people also sully someone you profess to care about, and you don't stand up and defend them, you are as bad as the stone-hurlers. Set boundaries, be polite, but speak up for yourself and don't let anyone throw a loved one under the bus without argument.

It's not easy. Shutting up and going along to get along may seem like the simple solution, but if you do it often enough -- losing a bit of your authenticity and integrity each time -- you will disappear. Then the controlling, rude, or aggressively thoughtless personalities in your life will rule the shell you've become.

People who know what they stand for and have the ability to stand for it are healthier. Living a lie is always bad for your heart. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.