Speaking One's Mind, Truly

My father held many jobs before I was born and when I was a young'un. But for the majority of the time I remember, he was his own boss. He became a real estate salesman, then very quickly thereafter a broker, and opened a business. He had a partner for a while, "Uncle" Harry, but eventually they parted ways. My father was not the kind of person who could get along well with others unless they were, as he saw it, subordinate to him.

For the most part I abhorred his way of doing business, but there was one thing I understood and agreed with: You cannot strenuously voice your opinion or take sides if you want to sell your services to the greatest number of clients. This was long before our country became as split down the middle as it is now, but it's always made sense. If my father put a sign up proclaiming he was voting for a Democratic candidate (and he was quite the Democrat before he got old and switched sides), he knew he'd be annoying his potential Republican clients, who could easily find another Realtor or, later, real estate appraiser. He actually gave money to both parties when he contributed, just to be fair.

Things certainly haven't changed in this basic regard. Sadly, I heard Richard Chamberlain quoted as giving advice to young, gay actors to stay in the closet. He said that no matter how far it looked like we'd come, the bigotry was still prevalent and the jobs would be fewer if they didn't pretend to be someone they're not. Since California, of all states, couldn't pass a law giving equal marriage rights to gay people, he's probably right. And if you want work, you do what you have to do to get it. It will vary depending on the work, but when selling yourself, with a service or a talent, potential buyers have to like you and see themselves in you. Or at least not see what's anathema to them in you.

I base my opinions and reactions on what people put forth publicly. After attending several writing workshops and conferences, I've seen plenty of the agents, editors, and authors on Facebook. I can find them charming and reasonable in person, then completely change my mind once I read their postings. An independent editor who doesn't seem to understand the difference between "its" and "it's" as they share their status? Once is a typo, more than twice confirms their ignorance. Or one who thinks it's a good idea to lambast those who disagree with a political idea s/he holds dear? Since we seem to be so evenly split in America, half of their potential clients just felt a slap in the face and decided to use someone else to clean up their manuscript.

Equally confusing, to my way of thinking, is why someone who has written a book, and wants to sell it to as many readers as possible, would then alienate a goodly number of them with bad "jokes." I know someone who does this. He makes what he must think are highly amusing remarks about how cats are good for tossing around and eating. Yes, eating. He thinks this is funny. He's an otherwise smart and resourceful man, with a high IQ. He'd like to be published and to entertain and emotionally move his readers. Yet he can't see, or won't see (because it'd mean being a bit more self-aware and using the discipline required to edit himself) that his public persona is the opposite of amusing. It's offensive.

Those who know and love (or even just like) us will get our jokes and/or put up with the bad ones because we have warm feelings toward each other. I have actually smiled at some of this man's cat jokes, even though doing so will surely go on my permanent record and only encouraged him when that was the last thing he needed. But I know he would never actually, literally, hurt an animal or eat a domestic cat (big cats, like any game, are another matter). I can smile, and so can his family and good friends, because we know him well enough to know that.

People, and potential readers of any book or books he may have published, don't know that. At best they will think cat jokes are hilarious, either because they don't particularly like cats, or because they have one and their cat doesn't like them. But the worst case scenario (in a marketing sense), is that they will think, "Wow, this guy is a loser. What sort of person says something like that? That's sick." And they won't buy his books. All because he couldn't control himself and what he put out there in the public forum.

I have tried, in a gentle way, to make this point to him. He didn't hear me. He'd probably also think I was being ridiculous if I said that agents and editors might, just might, look at a writer's Facebook page and/or website or blog when considering buying their manuscript. Employers do it all the time, and a public face is even more important to scrutinize when it can influence sales than when it can "merely" provide insight into a potential hire.

Or possibly he did hear me, and he continues to post obnoxious comments because then he can blame a lack of success on how misunderstood he is, how people are too sensitive and politically correct these days, rather than strictly on his mastery of craft. It's hard to say. I often look deeper than the bottom of the well.

I think it's also very hard to see our own faults. A friend kindly pointing something out doesn't always get through. It might take a Gibbs-like smack upside the head accompanying the words to drive home that something isn't wise. I wish I could get him to listen. So far, telling him that talent alone isn't enough hasn't made an impact.

Of course I also wonder what it is that I do. How am I shooting myself in the foot? I fear that my friends who can see objectively what I need to do or stop doing won't speak up, as I'm lacking in grace when confronted with uncomfortable truths. I will come around eventually, but it's a bit like waking me up by shaking my shoulder -- you will get a punch in the face for your efforts.

I know that I value honesty and frankness. I also believe in keeping quite a bit to myself, where Facebook or my blog are concerned. So, since I've put so much out there already, you can just imagine what I'm holding back. :-)

I think it's too easy to share, and we've become too accustomed to doing so casually. I wish self-editing would catch on as the next big thing. And, for Christmas, I'd like this writer I've spoken of to be given the gift of having all his cat jokes magically erased from cyberspace and memory. Hey, anything is possible at Christmas.